Tonight my husband and I got into a heated argument. That isn't a really new thing to us but tonight I realized something. I NEED God to intervene in my life in a deeper way.
A relationship with God, the father of Jesus Christ is nothing new to me. I've been a born again Christian since the late 1990's. I just know that I need a fresh touch, a deeper walk in order to truly change.
We argued tonight,once again, about finances. He said that I am not contributing enough. He's right. I'm not. I haven't held a job for a while now. I was under the impression that we both wanted me at home... No I wasn't. I thought eventually he would accept that I wanted to be at home to raise our son. I thought we would turn into a family like Ann Voskamp(sp?) seems to have. I want devotional time around the dinner table and a general atmosphere of praise and admiration. I want our son to know Jesus and to learn about Him through watching our Godly behavior. I want to make aprons and plant flowers and sell things in an Etsy shop( coming soon). I've found joy in home making activities and homeschooling. My husband says I'm being selfish. I don't know what I think.
Was I forcing my views on my husband? He has claimed salvation from the time he was 10 years old. So I thought this was what he wanted also.
I ask that you pray with me as I seek God and seek to be the woman He has called me to be. Sometimes I just get a little confused about what that all means. This is of course a life long journey. I just want some other travellers to keep me encouraged along the way.
I leave you with this verse. It is the cry of my heart tonight.
2 Chronicles 20:12... For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. (ESV)
I have been there, when my kids were little... I wanted our girls to have a daddy that sat us down for devotions, never raised his voice. Ten years later and my tears an prayers have been answered.
ReplyDeleteGod hears you even if at times it may not feel like it
Vickie you have really touched my heart with your words, I think so deep because God has already taken me down this road. It truly is a blessing to see God work in ways only He can. We ALL as wives/mothers want this for our house however the problem is that we ALL are not on the same journey with God. He has us all in different places on purpose so that we stay close to the cross. Only God can change our spouses, not us. I encourage you to pray, see what God has in store for YOU, and pray that the Lord opens your husband up to just that. Be patient in getting home with your child. In Gods perfect timing, if at home is where God wants you, He WILL make it all happen for you, just keep your eyes set on Him and not what your hubby is not doing or should be doing. You will see a world of difference when "your actions" start speaking to him and prayers start to get answered one at a time in Gods perfect timing. It WILL all work out sweetie. Praying for you!
ReplyDelete