Friday, July 15, 2011

Marriage is for Grown Folks

I waited a long time to post this because it really hit home for me. As you know, my husband and I were arguing about finances quite a bit lately. I thought he was just being rude and selfish. He thought the same about me.

This led to an impasse...until.

Until I decided I was actually going to be quiet and just listen.

I listened quietly as my husband railed about his lack of trust in me. He said things that hurt my feelings. I stayed quiet. He wounded me with his words. I sat resolute in my desire to truly hear what he had to say. I won't say it was easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it bore fruit.

He kept talking and after the initial venom, he softened. With tears in his eyes, he said," I just don't feel like you're on my team."

My heart broke for him. He wanted to share life with me and right now life was getting to be too much of a burden on him financially. I couldn't see his struggle and to him it looked like I didn't care.

That was never my intention. I thought I was showing him I cared by picking his underwear up off of the bathroom floor, washing it, drying it, putting it away, and repeating the same sequence the next day. He wasn't seeing it that way. I thought I was showing him love by allowing him to spend time alone after a day at work. He thought I didn't care to know what was troubling him.

I titled this post," Marriage is for Grown Folks" because I brought so many childish behaviors into my marriage. So did my husband. We each had expectations of each other that we weren't willing to fulfill ourselves.

I am so thankful to God that He led me to quietly listen to my husband. By doing so I showed him that I am truly "on his team". He is more open with me and I am more quiet with him. If it ain't broke, I won't be fixing it. God's Word instructs women to be quiet. I always felt like I would be taken advantage of if I didn't speak up. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Obeying God's Word brings about rewards we can't even predict. Being quiet and letting my husband share his feelings led to a healing we've needed in our marriage for nearly 10 years.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying with me for our marriage to flourish. I believe these are signs of the beautiful hope we can find through Christ.

I am striving each day to create a sense of safety in my home for my husband. I realize now that I had not done that before.

Let this scripture guide you as you pray for my marriage and your own.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. Proverbs 31:11


  1. Hi Vickie - came over from (in)courage. Love your blog and style. Caryn

  2. There are a couple of really great books out there that I would like to recommend to you...
    Link: You'll have to copy and paste to browser:

    1. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman:

    2. Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
    Link: You'll have to copy and paste to browser
    Both of these speak somewhat to what you are hitting on here. The second book also has a work book that you can do with your husband.
    God Bless and it sounds like you are hearing God and obeying which can be so hard for some of us.