Marriage is for Grown Folks

I waited a long time to post this because it really hit home for me. As you know, my husband and I were arguing about finances quite a bit lately. I thought he was just being rude and selfish. He thought the same about me.

This led to an impasse...until.

Until I decided I was actually going to be quiet and just listen.

I listened quietly as my husband railed about his lack of trust in me. He said things that hurt my feelings. I stayed quiet. He wounded me with his words. I sat resolute in my desire to truly hear what he had to say. I won't say it was easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it bore fruit.

He kept talking and after the initial venom, he softened. With tears in his eyes, he said," I just don't feel like you're on my team."

My heart broke for him. He wanted to share life with me and right now life was getting to be too much of a burden on him financially. I couldn't see his struggle and to him it looked like I didn't care.

That was never my intention. I thought I was showing him I cared by picking his underwear up off of the bathroom floor, washing it, drying it, putting it away, and repeating the same sequence the next day. He wasn't seeing it that way. I thought I was showing him love by allowing him to spend time alone after a day at work. He thought I didn't care to know what was troubling him.

I titled this post," Marriage is for Grown Folks" because I brought so many childish behaviors into my marriage. So did my husband. We each had expectations of each other that we weren't willing to fulfill ourselves.

I am so thankful to God that He led me to quietly listen to my husband. By doing so I showed him that I am truly "on his team". He is more open with me and I am more quiet with him. If it ain't broke, I won't be fixing it. God's Word instructs women to be quiet. I always felt like I would be taken advantage of if I didn't speak up. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Obeying God's Word brings about rewards we can't even predict. Being quiet and letting my husband share his feelings led to a healing we've needed in our marriage for nearly 10 years.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying with me for our marriage to flourish. I believe these are signs of the beautiful hope we can find through Christ.

I am striving each day to create a sense of safety in my home for my husband. I realize now that I had not done that before.

Let this scripture guide you as you pray for my marriage and your own.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. Proverbs 31:11

You ARE my offering

On Sunday morning at offering time, the pastor always tells everyone to lift their offering in the air. Then he prays over the congregation. I grabbed my 9 year old son's hand and lifted it in the air. He asked me what I was doing. I told him, "You are my offering." He looked at me, perplexed. As the pastor prayed, my son bowed his head. When the prayer was over he asked," What do you mean? I'm your offering? Not like Abraham and Isaac... I hope." He smiled. I smiled back. I whispered to him," No, like Hannah and Samuel." He gave me a half-knowing look.

Ladies, do you remember the prayer Hannah prayed in 1 Samuel? She prayed earnestly for the Lord to give her a child. Within that prayer she made Him a promise that she would offer the child back to the Lord. She was so sincere in her prayer that God sent the man of God, Eli, to confirm that He'd heard her prayer. In return she promised this child to the Lord all the days of his life.

I've been struggling with trusting God with my finances and also with my son possibly returning to school. I don't know if that is God's plan but I do know He has a plan. I know that on a daily basis I need to offer my son back to God the way Hannah did. Trusting in the One who created Him for His perfect will and use.

I was reading a couple of new blogs this morning when I came across this scripture again. This time I saw it on the wall behind a crib of a newly adopted baby from Ethiopia. This child is not in perfect health but he has been given over to the Lord by his adoptive parents. They are trusting the Lord for so many things. He needs so much from them and from the Lord. Yet they have vowed to trust the Lord for his provision, his healing, his timing. You can read about it here.

Pray with me as I seek to always remember that God is in control. I've handed my child over to him and He will keep watch over him. I love the last part of verse 28. Insert your child's name into it as you pray.My son's name is Hannan. It means "gracious giver". What do your children's names mean?

²⁷ I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. ²⁸ So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” And he(Hannan) worshiped the LORD there.

Praying to do things God's way the first time

Tonight my husband and I got into a heated argument. That isn't a really new thing to us but tonight I realized something. I NEED God to intervene in my life in a deeper way.

A relationship with God, the father of Jesus Christ is nothing new to me. I've been a born again Christian since the late 1990's. I just know that I need a fresh touch, a deeper walk in order to truly change.

We argued tonight,once again, about finances. He said that I am not contributing enough. He's right. I'm not. I haven't held a job for a while now. I was under the impression that we both wanted me at home... No I wasn't.  I thought eventually he would accept that I wanted to be at home to raise our son. I thought we would turn into a family like Ann Voskamp(sp?) seems to have. I want devotional time around the dinner table and a general atmosphere of praise and admiration. I want our son to know Jesus and to learn about Him through watching our Godly behavior. I want to make aprons and plant flowers and sell things in an Etsy shop( coming soon). I've found joy in home making activities and homeschooling. My husband says I'm being selfish. I don't know what I think.

Was I  forcing my views on my husband? He has claimed salvation from the time he was 10 years old. So I thought this was what he wanted also. 

I ask that you pray with me as I seek God and seek to be the woman He has called me to be. Sometimes I just get a little confused about what that all means. This is of course a life long journey. I just want some other travellers to keep me encouraged along the way.

I leave you with this verse. It is the cry of my heart tonight.

 2 Chronicles 20:12... For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. (ESV)